Resource Author Francisco Rodriguez Higueras
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I once read an article that asked “Why do grandparents and their grandchildren get along so well?” The answer was “Common Enemy”.
I’m sure that the intent of this story was to illicit a chuckle from the reader but often, in my private practise, I see an unhealthy alliance between these two separate generations against the parents of the children.
Sometimes divorce, remarriage or similar circumstances among the grandparents will create a problem for the new parents. They will not want to offend or upset either parent but will want all parents to share their joy.
I do feel strongly that the decision to let other family members or friends in for the delivery needs to be a private decision made by the new parents to be. When I had my children we didn’t have that choice.
A good idea is to decide what each name each grandparent is to be called. One may want to be Grandma. What if they both do? Perhaps one could be Grandma (Surname or Christian name), or one could choose to be Granny, Nanny, Nanna, or if they are from another country their language could be used, for example, Nona. Ideally, this should be decided in the presence of the new parents but if the deciding turns into an argument, it may need to be decided later.
Wait until everyone has had a chance to calm down and think. Most often, it will sort itself out with one of the grandparents happily choosing an alternative. If it doesn’t and no one will compromise, there is no real reason for there not being two Grandmas. It is usually just easier for the family’s to differentiate if everyone is called by a different title.
The most important thing is to enjoy being a new grandparent. It doesn’t matter what you’re called, or what you think of those people you will probably only see a couple of times a year, or what they think of you, the things that matter are the important ones- your children and your grandchildren. Don’t let anything get in the way of your special time with your first grandchild.